LIFE GOING DOWNHILL! 2006-2007- THE DAY I LEARNT I HAD BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER!

After Malaikaah’s birth, my world completely crashed! All the pent up grief I had over my father, came along with post- natal depression. That was the worst period of my life. I went to a psychiatrist 18 days after  Malaikaah’s birth, by then I knew I needed professional help, the doctor reassured me that I would be fine in a few weeks and prescribed anti- depressants.I went home happy, that in a few weeks my life would go back to normal.My wait grew endless- I started feeling worse! Then the terrifying symptoms began:I started slashing my wrists, overdosing, being  angry over no reason- it went on and on- I kept on pestering my doctor that why was I becoming worse instead of better, he kept on changing my medicines, all to no avail! Then, one day I just snapped. Determined to know what illness I had, because I knew it was not only depression, I had read about depression a lot, what I had was something worse.I went to the biggest bookstore in Singapore, hoping to find a book that would somehow explain my bizarre behavior .Guess what! The first book I pulled out was titled Borderline Personality Disorder, I thought, might as well flip through it- After reading only a few lines, I felt faint! All the symptoms listed there, I had! 90% ! My world collapsed! I felt shocked that I was inflicted with BPD! Yet, there was a kind of relief too- finally my illness had a name. Now, 6 years on, I know that my illness was not a curse but a blessing.The person I am now is because of what I went through:I learnt about compassion, by going through pain!-THIS STORY WILL CONTINUE LATER!

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